Hi, My Name is Consistency and I am Related to Success

ConsistencyIt’s no secret that anything done well is done consistently. If we want that beach-ready body we know we must consistently eat green things and go to that spinning class. If we want that A in a class we must consistently study and go above and beyond the norm. There is no shortcut to success.

Part of the reason students struggle in school is not because they aren’t working hard but because they aren’t working hard consistently

When students are young, teaching accountability falls on the parent. This is a challenging lesson, and one I find starts from the top down. Your children will not assign value to school unless you, as the parent, value it yourself

Children inherently want to meet their parent’s expectations. As we talked about in our recent post here, the best way to combat learned helplessness is by raising your expectations. For example, don’t be afraid to say no to hanging out with friends until homework is completed. Do this consistently and your kid will stop fighting you on finishing their homework. Yes, consistency even combats teenage attitude.

Putting systems and structure in place allows for consistency to take priority and ensures that everyone in the family is on the same page about school expectations, such as homework time. Check out some great, practical tips outlined in our previous discussion on how to “Eliminate the Homework Woes“.

You can still give your kids a beautiful childhood & teach them the value of hard work too

As an in-home service provider, parents often express concerns to me that it’s difficult to find a balance between teaching hard work while also trying to give their kids the best possible childhood. There is only a finite amount of time that we get to be carefree kids and the rest of life we must learn to be adults. My response: I agree, and that’s precisely why we should all be working together to instill the common underlying value of dedication to individual accomplishment during childhood, which stems from being consistent with our children. You can still give your kids a beautiful childhood and teach them the value of hard work at the same time.

As a culture, we need to slow down and enjoy the quiet moments more often. The days of over-scheduling are coming to an end.  The days of helicopter parenting should be on their way out the door too. We need to let kids learn first-hand the consequences of not putting their all into a project, a task, or a test. You wouldn’t prevent your child from learning how to walk by continuing to carry them around town until their 18th birthday, right? Of course not, that’s just absurd.

Sheltering them from the fear of “falling” is a disservice, and parents who prevent their child from experiencing the consequences of inaction are preventing them from experiencing the triumph of success.

So give your child the best possible chance in school and life by remaining consistent with your expectations. You’ll find that your child will rise to the occasion and even exceed the goals you set.

Christine Terry, J.D., is a Special Education Advocate & Founder of Terry Tutors. She created the One Comprehensive Support Service for The Struggling Student by combining Academic, Behavior, and Advocacy support. Want to Know More? Head on over to TerryTutors.com.

Avoid Learned Helplessness by Increasing Your Expectations

Learned HelplessnessExpectations are a funny thing, aren’t they? If your expectations are too challenging, you may be disappointed. If your expectations are not challenging enough, you may become stagnant. Same goes for the expectations you have for your kid and subsequent behaviors your kid exhibits.

We can think of expectations as a mountain: each step up the steep hill signifies a new increased challenge. Not all mountains are the same and everyone climbs at their own pace. Most climbers have spotters, ensuring that if the climber falls, they will be there to catch them.

Parents: you are those spotters. You’re ready to catch your child when they fall. But you also need to be your child’s coach, setting the bar high for challenges and encouraging your child to reach their greatest potential.

Consistency is the Key to Successful Change

As a provider who works with children exhibiting various behavior concerns and academic needs, my first step is to establish appropriate expectation levels tailored specifically for the struggling student. The institution of expectations extends to the family home as well because we know that if we provide consistent expectations to kids who are struggling in school we must also provide consistent expectations within their home life too. This is wraparound support, and this is what we need more of.

Children are able to self-regulate in an environment with clear, outlined expectations and follow-through. Where there are not clear expectations, however, the child is unable to manage their own behaviors because they are unsure of where the boundaries are. Simply, the expectations are not clear.

Parents, Don’t be Scared of Failure

Sometimes parents are hesitant to implement what is perceived as challenging expectations because they are scared that their child will not live up to those expected outcomes. I hear things like, “Issac isn’t good at math but I wasn’t good at math, so that’s okay” or “She just doesn’t like to eat dinner with the family, so I let her eat dinner in front of the tv because I don’t want to cause an argument.” These expectations, and responding behaviors, are not okay.

I understand a parent’s resistance towards change. Oftentimes, parents feel that if the expectations are too high they will set their kids up for failure and, in turn, have failed as a parent themselves. Don’t be scared of failure, Parents. Failure serves to help us identify what we need to improve upon. It’s not a bad thing, as long as you work to resolve the challenge.

For this reason, I always encourage parents to look at the issue with fresh eyes by explaining and then modeling greater expectations for their child. If you increase your expectations, that means you truly believe your child will rise to the occasion. I believe this truth for my students, and set the bar high. Don’t you think you should too?

Avoid Teaching Your Child Learned Helplessness

If you don’t have challenging expectations, you’re essentially teaching your child the concept of learned helplessness:

Learned helplessness is the belief that our own behavior does not influence what happens next, that is, behavior does not control outcomes or results. For example, when a student believes that she is in charge of the outcome, she may think, “If I study hard for this test, I’ll get a good grade.” On the contrary, a learned helpless student thinks, “No matter how hard I study for this test, I’ll always get a bad grade.” ~ The Psycho-Educational Teacher (Special Education) via Edutopia.org

The Standard You Set Will Be the Standard Your Child Attempts

The way we perceive our own abilities really does affect our success, and it starts with setting appropriate but challenging expectations for your child. Like anything we need balance, but if you think the task is too hard for your child to achieve, then it will be. The standard you set as a parent, will be the standard your child attempts to achieve.

Remember, your kids adore you. They love you. They want to meet the standards you set for them. They want to climb to the top of the mountain and see that well-deserved, amazing view. Let’s give them a chance to do so by expecting more and raising the bar for individual success.

Christine Terry, J.D., is a Special Education Advocate & Founder of Terry Tutors. She created the One Comprehensive Support Service for The Struggling Student by combining Academic, Behavior, and Advocacy support. Want to Know More? Head on over to TerryTutors.com.